Three years ago today, I made Kevin my “ghetto-worldly dude”. A year ago today, I made Kevin my [ghetto-worldly] husband. We eloped… It was perfect.

In this last year I’ve evolved more than I had previously. Never has anyone inspired me like he has to be the best me I can be, and who I really always wanted to be.

I remember sitting, somewhat nervously, at the Sedona hotel terrace writing our vows. It was chilly out and very surreal. We were child-like. We didn’t know what to say, yet had the world to express. What could be good-enough to exemplify to this man how I felt?

I could call him my best friend, but isn’t that cliché? He’s more than that.

I could call him my love, but he’s more than that.

I could call him my soulmate, but yeah — he’s more than that.

“Thankful” barely says it. Neither does “grateful”. Words have become no more than a gamble; to fall fruitless.

Marriage isn’t enough; ours feels like more than that. Saying “I do” felt like nothing more than a couple of words in comparison. It will never be enough. All I can do is humbly present my “all” into him every day, in every way. All I can do is show him that I appreciate him beyond words, and nourish his soul in the best ways I know how. I need more than “I love you” can provide. He has me, all of me; a me that simply wants to be better and better for our family. I do not know how else to show what I feel.

Happy anniversary, honey.

I love you.

We did see one of our favorite coffee shops there, Urban Beans. They even recognized us.

So, to finish my exam studying, we dropped by Urban Beans for my favorite chai in town.

Cheers!

This last week has been a veritable boon for people watching. Clearly, I have forgotten about this incredible aspect to public transport. What other events have I missed out by driving everywhere for the past few years? I’m a Chicana, judging is in my blood!

Twice in a single day, did I witness two drunk people. I could not tell who was worse off, the guy that stared at me with burning desire and passed out as he moved to the seat in front of me? Or maybe the guy that was singing loudly and kept preventing the doors from closing upon his exit?

My favorite was definitely the second. He had significantly less “creep” factor and made everyone laugh, instead of stare. A jovial drunk; the best kind.

Some things, you wish you could get on video.

When I got on the lightrail to head back home, I did not expect such a glorious sight. People act silly all the time, but this increased exponentially as my ride continued. This middle-aged man dressed in a dirty jean jacket, plain baseball cap, and sunglasses graced us with his glowing [read: drunk] rendition of “Oh, Danny Boy”. His song filled the chambers of the train. He talked to a few people, and they all laughed. For a few moments, I assumed he was simply a joyous man wanting to converse with others.

Then I heard the conversation in spite of my earbuds I use to deter people from talking to me (that doesn’t really work, by the way. Additionally, dressing slovenly does not deter people from asking you for money.).

Passenger 1: “You’ve been drinking, but you’re not drunk?”

Drunky McDrunkerson: “YEAAAHHH, I’ve been drinkin’ since twelve o’clock last night, but I don’t get drunk! HAHAHA!”

“Oh, AWESOME,” I thought, as I removed the ear bud from my left ear. After all, it is my “good” ear.

Then he began to sing new songs.

DMcD: “WHOOOOOO LET THE DOGS OUT… AAHH-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…. *coughcough* AHH-WOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHA….”

And everyone snickers.

DMcD continues to howl, and sing. He started going back and forth between “Who Let the Dogs Out” and “Danny Boy”.

DMcD: “WHOO LET THE DOGS OUT AH-WOOOOOOO, DANNY BOY? AHAHAHA. Oh, this is MY STOP! I’m gonna get me some WHISKEY!”

DMcD stands up and stumbles, and laughs. Then he starts to howl again as he starts to the door.

“AH-WOOOOOOOOOOOOO BLAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…. WHO LET THE DOGS OUT!? AH-WOOOOOOOOOO,” at this point, he is standing in the doorway.

The door closes, “HANG ON! AH-WOOOOOOOOOOOOO BLAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!” The door opened for him.

“AHHH-WOOOOOOOOOO” the door almost completely encloses upon him.

And yes, we all laughed.

And I put my earbuds back in.

This was before we even had the lightrail. Traveling through the depths of Chandler and suburbs of Phoenix were a bit of a challenge, though, at the time I lived at a great vein for public transport. Many places did not and still do not have routes. This resulted in a lot of walking.

I am very blessed to have had a car for the last 3-4 years. Believe me, I do not take car ownership lightly. I did without for too long to not appreciate it.

This leads me to the “now.” Parking is not fun in downtown Phoenix, and I will be there often for classes. I have purchased a pass and will be returning back to the wonderful world of pedestrian-ism. Where car drivers are inconsiderate a-holes, cat calls and awkward interactions are prominent, and people watching is vast. You’ve gotta love that they let anyone on public transport…

I have struggled a bit with my illnesses (yes, multiple) these past few weeks, but am now finding the strength to get by using the lightrail as a primary method of transport. I will be blogging my escapades on a weekly basis with all the blundering details.

I have been gluten-free for 6 months. My migraines are gone (unless I eat gluten), my join/muscle/back pain has almost completely disappeared, I have no bloating, no nightmares… My digestive system felt like it was working like it was supposed to. It is the best thing that I have done for myself in quite awhile.

I have been pretty careful about what I have been eating, but come August 23rd, I kept feeling like I had eaten something I shouldn’t have. Was there butter or traces of dairy in my food? Was it all the corn I ate the day before? Why was everything I ate making me sick?

These symptoms were getting exponentially worse. I couldn’t eat without feeling full all day, or bloating. Even a friggin’ Kind Bar would give me problems. I was starting to feel like I could only digest smoothies and sorbet. Everything else bloated me, so that was largely what I ate. Then I started getting the headaches, dizziness, and extreme lethargy. I thought I had mono, (I thought I had mono for a year. Turns out I as just really bored.) which I had when I was 17 — unlikely. After a week and a half of this, I walked right into my doctor’s office to figure out what was going on.

After running a myriad of tests, she ruled out ovarian cancer and organ failures. She left me with a “leaky gut”. I was so frustrated, I was in tears. Another digestive issue… Her prescription was to heal myself with a diet guide she lead me to, supplements, and probiotics.

The theory is that leaky gut syndrome (also called increased intestinal permeability), is the result of damage to the intestinal lining, making it less able to protect the internal environment as well as to filter needed nutrients and other biological substances. As a consequence, some bacteria and their toxins, incompletely digested proteins and fats, and waste not normally absorbed may “leak” out of the intestines into the blood stream. This triggers an autoimmune reaction, which can lead to gastrointestinal problems such as abdominal bloating, excessive gas and cramps, fatigue, food sensitivities, joint pain, skin rashes, and autoimmunity.

- Dr. Andrew Weil

My first instinct was to contact my friend Ken Scheer, who had been experiencing similar symptoms awhile back. He is the resident expert in gluten-free dining out, and food allergies. He told me that the program Kirsten Carey of Nourish123 had available changed his life. He set up an intro and I went to meet with her at her EXCLUSIVELY gluten-free restaurant.

We talked about cross reactive foods, what foods I should eliminate, what foods I should be eating, and I got to speak with her head chef who is the herbalist that created the program. Kirsten had experienced troubling symptoms herself and used his program to heal herself. It sounds like she was worse off than I was, but she did not downplay it at all. She knows the concerns of a celiac in need, and recognizes that we had the same trouble.

She said she hears it all the time — someone walks in saying they felt great for 6-12 months and are suddenly sick again. It sounded… like me!

For 30 days, I will be on the road to healing my gut, with their dream inducing tea (I’m not kidding), and the awful tasting tincture. She said it may be worse for the first couple of days. It’s been two days and I am as fearful of solid foods as I was a week ago, so this is to be expected. I am also probiotics and L-glutamine at her recommendation, which my doctor also recommended taking.

She promised I should start healing soon, and convinced me that this would work. I left Nourish that day with supplies in hand, and hope in my heart.

And maybe soon, I’ll be able to have more for dinner than rice gruel laced with miso, and a hemp protein shake.

It’s a terrible, mean habit.

I won’t name the restaurant for this one, but this restaurant serves a wood oven roasted seasonal vegetable dish. Honestly, in my opinion, people hardly ever cook spaghetti squash well. It is a bland vegetable that tastes amazing with the right applications. This restaurant served theirs over a tomato sauce that only tasted okay, to me.

My husband loves spaghetti squash… I decided to try my hand at an improvement of the restaurant dish at home and I definitely hit the nail on the head

The sauce adds the perfect amount of flavor and tanginess needed while still letting the spaghetti squash shine in all its seasonal glory. This recipe does not require a lot of ingredients, but it is enhanced in just the right way to let all the elements shine.

1 spaghetti squash (about 4-5 cups), seeded and cooked.
1/2 cup Follow Your Heart Mozzarella (Seriously, I will stab you if you use Daiya.)
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 – 1/2 cup or toasted pine nuts
2 tsp dried thyme
4 tbsp fresh basil, chopped and separated

Salt and pepper, to taste

Sauce:
1- 3.5 ounce bag of ready to eat sundried tomatoes
3/4 cup of water
1/4 cup olive oil
1 tbsp chopped basil
Salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.

Blend all sauce ingredients until smooth. Taste and ensure it is salted and peppered to your liking.

Set aside 2 tbsp of chopped basil. In a large bowl, toss spaghetti squash and olive oil. Toss with spices, the other 2 tbsp of basil, and vegan cheese.

Pour sauce into a 12″ cast iron, or oven safe pan, over medium heat, until just warm. Top with the spaghetti squash mixture, top with the pine nuts (I like to use more) and pop into the oven for 15 minutes, or enough to melt the cheese and brown the top slightly.

Depending on your oven, you may have to broil it for the last 5 minutes to get the full effect.

Top with remaining basil and serve.

Some people lose their paths. Sometimes we are a “Self” that we think we need to be at a certain point in time.  I was one of “those” people that lost my path. I have only touched on my life trials on some of my blogs, but I haven’t given a fully in-depth account of it. I might never do it – it’s too hard to write about. Those that matter know, and those that matter know more than the tip of the iceberg.

The point being – I completely lost who I was. I was doing a lot of things and being a lot of “selfs” that I felt like I needed to be for everyone else. I was a “self” I needed to be for everyone but MYself.

I am not used to spending a lot of money on myself, either. I spent a lot of years mostly prioritizing my child, as I was a single mother out of a tragic situation. A lot of people think that is an excuse, but when all your resources are devoted to daycare and child rearing supplies, you do not explore what you love as much. When I finally found balance, I feel like I am indulging in those little things that make me smile.

I know this sounds strange, but I hadn’t thought of this until I finally purchased this little jewelry box that has a cool hand painted skull on it. I love Mexican art, especially when it is dark. I realized that I do not have nearly enough of these things. I have loved skulls, bold colors, and dark art for a very long time, and am finally seeing how important it is to surround myself in things I love or things that inspire me.

I am one of those people that found myself early. I have been largely the same person since I was very young. I realize now that I was getting my feet wet in a lot of my current passions, as a young adult. I was heavy into music (vocalist and violinist), I was vegan, and I was passionate about nutrition and cooking. Essentially, this is still me. I could probably still play the violin if I wanted, albeit not as well.

Balance was never easy. My husband pushed me to stop being afraid to jump over the edge and be who I want to be, no what I feel like I am supposed to be.

Even when you think you do not have the room to be yourself, realize it is important. For a long time I did not.

I usually do not, because I am more socially awkward than I lead on, however on occasion I will get into a conversation with a complete stranger. Sometimes it is good, and I make a friend. However, sometimes good intentions go awry and you learn too much about a person.

This morning, I got into a conversation with a lady I had never seen before in my life, as we waiting at the school registrar office.

Random Lady: Is your little girl starting kindergarten today?
Me: Yes! And your son?
RL: Yes! I registered him last week, but I didn’t get to go to the open house because I had a migraine. I cannot go out in the sunlight when I get migraines.
Me: Oh, I know how that is. I get them, too.
RL: Oh, I know. When I get them, they last like 5 days!
Me: Oh, I can’t imagine having them for more than a day!
RL: I know, it’s terrible. And tomorrow, my husband gets back home. I missed him so much. I cleaned my house SPOTLESS.
Me: Oh? Where was he?
RL: Oh, he has to serve 2 years… in Prison.
Me: *feeling slightly mislead* Oh…
RL: I am just so excited. My daughter is not even 2 yet, and I was pregnant when he went. He went in August 2 years ago, and she was born in October! It’s been so hard! He’s so excited – he keeps saying, ‘I’m gonna help you so much, babe’.! I can’t wait.

And then I was called up by the registrar.

I wonder, what makes people overshare? I don’t have a need to tell anyone about my entire last several years of life, health problems, and things I might not be proud of within a few moments of meeting.

What is it? She hasn’t been the only one in the past few months, but she is the first one that caused me to wonder why. Maybe there is something about me, or maybe she is lonely after two years of being a single mom to two children. It could be many things.

But even people that aren’t lonely love to share. Are you guilty of this?

So, I am already a monster. I love food (my thighs may not). I dream about it, I think about it, I watch it on TV, I constantly consume reading materials for ideas of how to create anything in the kitchen, and to improve on my current cooking abilities.

I decided to test the Food Network on my daughter, in the form of watching Paula Deen’s sons make a gorgeous – and decidedly more dishy – looking chocolate custard with butterscotch whipped cream. It ended in having no choice but to head to the store to buy chocolate and other various supplies for chocolate custard, at the demand of my child. I had never made a vegan custard before, much less a non-vegan custard. However, I have eaten plenty in my life in various forms.

I began to fantasize about a custard I had years ago at a restaurant called Cork, in Chandler, AZ. In talking to the pastry chef, she was inspired by various ideas of the classic combination of chile and chocolate. I had been kicking around the notion in my mind of a healthier custard, anyway, and making a cream like she did. The dessert I had at Cork featured a beautiful custard topped with an unsweetened chile whipped cream. The point of it was to make sure you had both the chocolate and cream in one bite.

It’s been at least 4 years since I had this and I still have wet dreams about it. Now that I am vegan and allergic to dairy, there is simply no chance of having that exact same dessert again. Not to mention, they probably don’t even make it anymore.

While I haven’t attempted a vegan chile whipped cream yet – I haven’t decided on the right chile for it – this custard definitely rivals the custard I had there that day. I topped this version with coconut whipped cream. However, it tastes beautiful with Soyatoo whipped cream as well (they make a rice version!).

When I come up with a chile whipped cream, I will make an addendum. Until then, enjoy this bowl of heaven – or custard. Whichever you prefer to call it. I prefer the former.

Vegan Chocolate Custard

Yield: 6- 4 oz servings.

• 1 cup full-fat coconut milk
• 1 cup vegan milk of choice (I used almond milk)
• 1 cup vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips (I used Enjoy Life brand, which is also gluten-free and soy-free.)
• 2 tsp vanilla
• 3 tbsp potato starch
• 1/2 C sugar or stevia (I like 1/2 C, but you can use as little as 1/4 C)
• 1/4 C tapioca flour
• dash of salt

No-bake method: Combine milks, vanilla, salt, and chocolate chips in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Stir slowly until all chocolate is melted. Add in sugar and potato starch. Cook over medium heat until sugar is dissolved and mixture is slightly thickened. IMPORTANT: Work quickly at this point, or tapioca starch will become gummy. Remove pan from heat and let cool for one minute, whisk in tapioca starch quickly. Pour into ramekins and let cool. Refrigerate for at least 3 hours.

Baked custards: Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Work with two bowls and one sauce pan. In sauce pan on medium-low heat, warm coconut milk and vegan milk with vanilla. While this warms, measure 1 cup of chocolate chips into a medium bowl. When it is warmed completely, pour milk over the chocolate and stir until melted and fully incorporated.

In a separate bowl, combine dry ingredients (tapioca starch, potato starch, sugar, salt) and mix well. Whisk gradually (about 1/3 at a time) into the chocolate/milk mixture until fully combined.

Set ramekins into a solid roasting pan. Pour enough warm water into the pan to come up about halfway around the ramekins. Pour custard mixture into ramekins, and cover with foil. Bake in pre-heated oven for 30-35 minutes.

These will not set like traditional custards. They will look firm in appearance but they will jiggle entirely, a bit like partially set jello. Remove the ramekins from the water bath and let cool for 20 minutes. Refrigerate for a minimum of 3 hours.

Whipped Coconut Cream:

• 2 cans of full-fat coconut milk (refrigerated for 4 hours, or overnight)
• 1 tbsp cornstarch
• 2-3 tbsp stevia or powdered sugar (or to taste), optional.
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Work with cold beaters, and a cold mixing bowl (I stick them in the freezer for 5-10 minutes). Remove cans from the fridge, and you will see that the coconut cream has risen to the top. Scoop it out, draining the coconut water in the process. Try to get as little of this in your bowl as possible. Start to beat in your mixer on medium for approximately 5 minutes. Add cornstarch and vanilla. Continue whipping until soft peaks form.

When it is as whipped as you would like it, add in the sweetener. Serve immediately.

Most Mexican restaurants will have huge jugs of gorgeous horchata, jamaica, and if you’re lucky – melon. They serve them to you with big ladles, and into big cups and you can drink away the summer heat.

As much as I love sweet, sweet horchata this oppressively hot Phoenix Summer has me craving more refreshing flavors. Agua de Flor de Jamaica or melón are enough to make me feel better about living in an oven.

Today, I set out to make my own. Hibiscus flowers may be hard to find, unless you have a Mexican grocer nearby.

Agua Frescas are a great alternative to the typical American punches, and are delightfully more healthy than high-fructose corn syrup laden “juices” many will serve. They can be made with virtually any fruit for an incredible array of flavors!

These can be a festive, delicious contribution to your summer cookouts and picnics. Or, just some sweet relief for the oppressing Summer heat!

Agua de Flor de Jamaica

• 1.5 C dried hibiscus/jamaica flowers,
• 4 C boiling water
• 1/2 C sugar, stevia, or agave nectar (I prefer stevia or sugar)

Steep flowers in boiling water for 10 minutes. If you’re using dry sweetener, stir it in as they steep. Serve over ice, and garnished with a stick of canela and a lime slice.

Agua de Melón

Also very refreshing made with watermelon for auga de sandía.

• 2 C of cubed cantaloupe or watermelon
• 1.5 C cool water
• 1/2 C sweetener of choice

Blend until smooth, 2-4 minutes, and serve over ice. Garnish with lime.